Tuesday, June 1, 2021


Deafening Silence blares yet the mind can't conjure anything.

For the first time in a long time, vacant. 

If ignorance is bliss, I'm approaching ecstatic.

Mentally aware, that I'm checked out.

I feel myself hurt.  Physically.  It's bad. Awful. Neglected. Wretch of a man.

Repeatedly incurring that sinking feeling

so this is the downward slide

to bottom.

Sunday, July 12, 2020


A ball, like twine, of tightly wrapped
and jangled nerves

losing the work of our toil and virtue,
seething with anger and ambivalence

Life a boondoggle,
an unsolvable Rubik
A jigsaw puzzle with a missing piece

Time warps our mind
and stress misshapes our bodies

Reduced to simplicity
now so much harder to stomach

Dreams escape
like a pressure release
... hiss

Things wind tighter, and tighter
pressure keeps us awake,
and simultaneously puts us asleep

Information overwhelms
yet underwhelms.
Turning it off, brings more noise.

Like a wrestler 'sleeper hold' just above the eye sockets,
like so much warm milk

Sunday, May 3, 2020

20 Albums / Artists In My Head

...that influenced my taste in music

#1 Good Morning Spider - Sparklehorse

#2 Nico - Blind Melon

#3 Ruby Vroom - Soul Coughing 

#4 Laid - James

#5 40 oz to Freedom - Sublime

#6 Ritual De Lo Habitual - Jane's Addiction

#7 Surfer Rosa - The Pixies

#8 Mother's Milk - Red Hot Chili Peppers

#9 9 - P.I.L.

#10 Stop Making Sense - Talking Heads

#11 Blood and Chocolate - Elvis Costello 

#12 Under the Big Black Sun - X

#13 The Age of Consent - Bronski Beat

#14 Sandinista! - The Clash

#15 Avalon - Roxy Music

#16 Morrison Hotel - The Doors

#17 Pretenders

#18 Fair Warning - Van Halen

#19 Elton John's Greatest Hits (1974)

#20 Bachman-Turner Overdrive II

Thursday, December 8, 2016

Black bean-Quinoa Kale Corn Burgers recipe

You Eating Healthy's recipe for bean burgers went through many modifications, the main difficulty is getting them to hold together.  The black beans, the corn, the kale ... all makes for a disjointed bunch of ingredients.   But we have a "binding" formula.

I glued a mason jar lid, with super glue to the mason jar ring (white side is out and the thing is a bit concave then), then I put on a protective cover (a plastic Glad sandwich bag) and scoop about 1/2 cup of mixture and press the amount with the lid.   Makes a nicely shaped burger, and I do it on a 4" x 4" square of parchment paper, then flip it carefully onto the parchment lined cookie sheet.   Make sure to press and hold, and you have enough that it is squeezing a bit out on the sides to form a nice patty.

It also helps to refrigerate the mixture, prior to pattying it up for an hour.  You can halve the batch to make about 10 burgers, or make a full batch ... they freeze well after baking.

Black Bean  & Quinoa Burgers
Makes 20 burgers

4 cup black beans
4 cup quinoa (cooked)
3 cup yellow onion, finely diced
6 cup kale, stemmed and ripped (or cut) into 1" shreds
3 cup frozen corn, thawed (don't cook it, leave it at room temp)
1 cup ground flax seed, if you buy whole flax, put it into a Vitamix to 'grind' it
4 tbsp chic pea (garbanzo) flour, or I use Bob's Red Mill Fava/Garbanzo flour
1/4 c water
3 tbsp Olive Oil

1 1/2 tbsp smoked paprika
1 1/2 tbsp ancho chili powder
2 tsp sea salt
2 tsp black pepper
1 tsp cumin

Cook black beans (unless using canned black beans)
Cook quino  2-to-1  1.5 cup quinoa to 3 cup water should make almost 4 cups cooked

Saute onion in olive oil until softened and brown (aprox 5-6 min)
Saute kale in olive oil (or even toast in a dry pan) until nicely fragrant and slightly brown edges

Binding Formula
In food-processor, combine 1 cup black beans, 1/4 c. water, flax and chic pea flour, blend until smooth, but don't overblend (not creamy, grainy is ok)

In a large bowl, add the remaining black beans, binding formula and mash with a potato masher until combined.  Add the onions, kale, corn and stir with wooden spoon.
Refrigerate for 1 hour.

Preheat oven to 400-deg

Divide mixture into 4 oz. portions (about 1/2 cup, or a bit less) and using your mason jar lid contraption, patty up the burgers.

Bake at 400-deg for 18-20 minutes.   When handling, you want to take care, they will fall apart, so spatula carefully.   One technique, too, is to cut individual 4" squares of parchment for the patties, make them on the 4" squares, and leave them on the 4" squares until ready to grill or pan fry.

I've never tried grilling them, but it may work.  I alway pan fry them (after baking) like I was making a burger, over med-high heat with a bit of olive oil in the pan for 3-4 minutes per side (until lightly browned).

To Serve:

I toast a good bun.
Put simple avacado-lime guacomole (you can make it anyway you like) on the top of bun,
On the bottom of the bun, I like mustard ... but on the cart we used chipotle mayo.
Layer red leaf lettuce, red onion and a thick slice of tomato.
And open wide !

We serve with wedge fries, but you can have any sides you like.

Nutritionally these burgers, with bun check out at about 700 calories, the same as a Quarter Pounder with cheese.   The difference is it had 30 grams fewer fat grams (44 or something for the Quarter Pounder) and with the beasn, flax and kale ... a TON of fiber.

These are very filling burgers!  Enjoy.

Tuesday, September 27, 2016

Authentic self

Authenticity is what we seek in our life, our relationships, and inside our true self.
The opposite of which conjures up, fake, fraud, deceit, forgery, blasphemy, improper, counterfeit and the list goes on.

The problem (and the solution) to dealing with authenticity is that it is nowhere, and everywhere.   Let's look at some examples:

You go to the grocery store, you check out and hand your $100 bill to the cashier who either stands awkwardly holding your bill up to get a better look, "Does it have the strip in it?"  Is it a fake?  Or they simply rub this marker against it and get a 'brown line' confirmation of its authenticity.

Another example, a girl goes into a bar with a fake id.   Bartender looks at it, looks at the girl, makes a split decision on whether to accept the id, accept the girl into the establishment, or call it out as fake.  His authenticity vs. hers.

If only we had that brown marker, to rub on our foreheads, or on others foreheads once in a while.
Seems life could be a lot simpler, if people would open up to being authentic and we ourselves would follow our internal calling and cues to authenticity.

This world is full of less than authentic drivel and posturing, masks and subterfuge.   There is the rare few, true, authentic people that we marvel at and the rest, bouncing around with masks and missives,
fears and anxieties, good days and not so good days, always trying to figure out what is wrong always putting on the 'happy face', always making sure the true self stays submerged.

Back to the brown marker on the forehead.

For years, I struggled with being the best husband, best entrepreneur, best partier, best son and completely lived a web of fake, fraud, deceit, blasphemy, forgery, improperly carrying myself and my body around the planet to make more, be more, show more, fake more and be more than anyone could deny.   But it was a farce, a lie, an assault on my own intelligence.

Once put to the test, my forehead showed no brown lines.    My authenticity was lost, somewhere between establishing myself ... and establishing myself 'grandly'  (because grandiose is too ostentatious).

You see in trying to be something I wasn't, I became something I'm not.

In putting back the pieces of who I am, and who I belong to and who I walk with down this path called life ... it comes back to me, my lord, and my spouse.  These people I walk with and am authentic with and myself with and there are no airs about it.  It just is.  Usually.

Until I would make it more than it is.   Until I would veer from my authentic self, into the best brother, son, brother-in-law, uncle area of existence where there was no validation, no acceptance and no reason to be there.   It was a forgery, a misfire, a goof, an attempt to please.

Your authentic self does not really need to please others.

There are only a few people (bare a few unlucky soles) that see the naked me.  The true person.

The authentic self needs to have proper discourse with others, not made up excuses.  
When necessary, speaking the truth in love is required.    Others will recoil, spit, and curse your name.   So be it.  It is none of your business what others think of you.

But to be in communion with others, to enjoy their company and to spend time with them, to be exchanging love vibes that is the essence of authentic self.

Your authentic self doesn't need to desire or avoid things, unnecessarily and with attachment.

In Buddhism it is said the strong non-attachment is as non-authentic, as the strong attachment to desires (outcomes).

You can want for things, and let it go.   You can wish things were different, and don't wax nostalgic about how they could've been.

To live within one's authentic self, is to just be.  Content with the way things are, and not attached to the outcomes, many of which are out of your control.

If you desire, and need the outcome so badly, are so attached ... check yourself, use the brown marker on your forehead. It's likely not going to show a line, you've lost your way and need to regroup.

Your authenticity, your integrity, your words, your deeds and your spirit are all wrapped up in one concept:   love.

Love is the essence of your true nature, your authentic self knows it manifests itself in many ways, both in action and inaction.   The key is to be loving, and not desirous of things, places, events to the point of attachment.

It's been said in making a deal, the person who can walk away from the deal is the powerful negotiator, and usually will get the deal to lean their way.  They will win!  

Make a deal with yourself, to be less attached to outcomes.  Walk away.
and into happiness and more loving in your everyday life.

Thursday, September 22, 2016

Good Enough

"It's not enough" is the message railed against
self-love and self-worth, self-esteem.

You're not enough. Do more, get more,
spend more, fuck more, drink more, save more,
go to church more, lose more, eat less, drink less,
spend less, less eggs, butter, cheese and meat

Sleep more, exercise more, work less, work more

More, less.   It's enough!   Enough!

In the quiet than ensues, when you shut off the tapes in your head,
whisper 'You are enough.', and again.

Shut it down.   Wad it up.  Throw it out.
These messages are 'noise'.

Don't listen.  Stay above the noise.  Squelch it out,
and start listening to yourself.

Then go and deliver value to the world, from
your heart.  In whatever little or big way it manifests
itself.   Do something good.

In the spate of all this illusion of wealth, success,
fame, happiness and fun ... go,
and be .. good.

And in that moment of goodness and oneness with your true nature,

 ... breathe, smile and exhale

It's good enough.  You're good enough. It's enough.

Be kind to yourself.  Love yourself, in little ways, daily.