A virtue?
or myth.
The unattainable perfection?
Do Presidents have it?
Vice-presidents?
Corporate Execs?
Preachers?
Mothers, Fathers, Sisters, Brothers ...
The "Grinch" (well he did in the end)
(So, well ... excuse yourself, if you lack some then, at times. You're o.k., I'm o.k.)
I've heard (or read) that
Integrity is
what you do,
when no one is watching.
By that standard, I've lacked integrity my whole life ...
living by the lyrics of the group Electronic, from the eighties
"Getting away with it, all my life ..."
the dude, the studly macho man, ... the big guy.
I've been all that, yet fallen so many times
in the process.
The idea, since Adam and Eve, that we can
get away with something belies the idea of omnipresence.
Watch your kids, how they know you
aren't omnipresent and can't be ...
God is.
We're shackled by the imperfections and
knowledge that itegrity can be, often, lacking,
so we "do the best we can"
we strive ... we feel freer in our good works and integrous
actions ... and then, like Adam (well mostly Eve, but Adam too)
we fall from grace.
Reminds me of a James' lyric, from "Blue Pasture"
"Just when I thought I was free, I get dragged in again
once you're in, you're in."
...
and, also
"I don't see why I"m obliged to just carry on,
when everything I touch turns out wrong.
I've feel like I've commited a crime, but I don't know what I've done.
Someday life just wins.
Someday life just wins."
I've felt free to be integrous, and yet in all parts of your makeup
it is perhaps the most difficult feat to accomplish.
Where does self-love and respect vere off into self-indulgence,
when does virtue turn into overbearing
kind words into screaming
love into punishment
Speaking of punishment:
Why does every good deed, never go unpunished !?!?
Why is every business with the word "Integrity" in their name,
full of the worse snakes and rip-off artists you can find.
Integrity conspiracy? I think not.
if you call attention to your integrity, you're not being integrous ...
the perverbial lead by example coming into play.
Recently, I've had an occasion to hire a talented guy,
to work on my roof. Patch repair, and remove the moss.
A big job, really, and he bid it very fairly.
He had a limp handshake. The kind of mealy swollen hand
that said he's working too hard, or drinking too much.
And he smoked cigarettes.
Not and indictment, an observation.
He hit me up, to pay him early. I did, and he was doing such
a good job, I tacked on $50 more.
He's not finishing the job. He should finish the job.
Have some integrity, man.
Do it, or I'll rant and I'll rave, and I'll spew and I'll sue ...
I'll breath down your neck like Satan's fire from hell, boy,
just don't get me started ...
Integrity.
But instead I'll just write, and ponder the lesson
... and I bear witness to his problems, I observe
and it isn't mine to own it.
I bought it, but I don't own it.
Hearing his excuses of his daughters flip flop,
getting caught in her spokes,
and his broken pressure washer,
the non-responses now it gets frustrating,
... to be duped.
the man is clearly not intending to come back
out to finish the job,
a character flaw, perhaps,
a life lesson on witholding final payment, maybe ...
What it does give rise to is how fascinating the "observer role"
we all can play, as we journey through life. Observations like:
If he's so good, why isn't he apparently successful?
Why is his handshake limp?
Why does he ask for payment ahead of completion?
Why is his daughter with him on the jobsite?
What causes him to not return calls or emails?
Why does he smoke? (an observation, not an indictment)
The observer, allows us to realize we don't "do" anything
and nothing is "done" to us.
In this world of yin and yang, we are merely observers
of the truthes.
So, as an observer, I feel empathy and pray for the man,
as myself.
and how he must be in some ways defeated,
to show his face ... the way I sometimes am.
"I don't see why I"m obliged to just carry on,
when everything I touch turns out wrong.
I've feel like I've commited a crime, but I don't know what I've done.
Someday life just wins.
Someday life just wins."
peace be with you, roofer dude.
Joe and I will get the pressure washer out
and finish the job.
m.