reach a highest point, either of a specified value or at a specified time
Some of us are late bloomers. In our own way of dancing this mess around, we've been to the party, been to the edge, been over the top and still never really peaked.
I can't say what is the 'problem' quote, un-quote with others, and really if I'm honest, can't really diagnose what my own problem(s) have been.
But I do know, that my friend Tom Ustach, told me once "You were an athlete, you'll figure it out".
I drank another beer, and thought about it. Thought about my troubles, with weight, alcohol, drugs, anger, and all of those things that hold me back from attaining real success.
So I've been enlightened to the answers, ignored them, scoffed at the possibility, hid, ignored and otherwise just tried to put aside the truths lying there, ready for me to pick up and utilize.
So I go all the way back, to when I had a goal. One goal, based on love and loss, was to clean up and find a way back into the life of the girlfriend in college I had lost, due to some of the afformentioned problems.
But on circumspection, that was not the case ~ what "really happened", is I had not "cleaned up", over the summer of 1982, but rather, smoked, drank, and didn't eat (and jogged 5 miles a night) to a svelt 195 lbs, had a motorcycle and imploded the relationship, due to my ego.
That's right, I peaked too early, and supernova'd my first love into non-existence. Ouch.
Like a sick puppy, I tried to prove I was that clean guy, that this anger, and physical outburst was an aberration of my true self, when sadly, nothing I could muster about being "that guy", rang true. It was as transparent as saran wrap, the likes of which I would likely have suffocated myself by wrapping it around my head.
I had suicidal thoughts, after this breakup, I had my whole life ahead, yet was devastated, maybe from the loss, maybe from my father leaving, maybe that love itself was an illusion.
As I thought about how one would secure a rope on the Geneseo pagoda, that was above the student union, I snapped my head out of this (as a coward, that I am), to hear the Devo song, "Its a beautiful world" in my head.
Music saved the day, I lived to party once more, and fuck this I'm on a mission, to enjoy life.
And enjoy I did, to excess more than not, too much wine, women, song, smoke and anything I wanted ... my mantra "Nothing is out of bounds" (save Heroine, wimp that I am, needles and physical addiction seemed too much even for me), but anything else, was fair game.
Flash to 30 years later, with a beautiful wife, four beautiful and smart children, great income, real estate, and everything my anger and drive could muster, I have it all, except for that missing quotient. Love.
Yes, I have people who express love for me, yes my children need me ... that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about that stirring in the soul that is reserved for only the most intimate encounter, that of self.
I watched a show yesterday, that Johnny Carson, would like to be alone, kind of a loner, and made use of that time, to which I thought - "Yes!", that's exactly correct. I never had a problem being alone, I had problems understanding other people in this quest for love experience, love action ... I didn't see it. Songs like "Where is the Love", come to mind in almost every human encounter ... it hurts to see.
Then I hold the "Man in the MIrror" Michael Jackson up to my own sad self, and look at the mess I've created and again, where is the love? Self-love.
So its time, to peak. I've peaked so soon, felt so highly of myself, that I almost supernova'd out. You know the type, the Robin Williams, the Phillip Seymour Hoffmans ... its not that these people had deep problems, its that they had such peaking ability there wasn't realistic limits or peers to relate to. Everything was a compromise, everything is diluted in the world of those that peak so early and so often. (you can only handle so many "atta boys" before you want to punch that complimenter right in the face, for not feeling or treating you like a person, not a superstar). So I get this, loners, can be depressed. Its called the human condition, that's the source of most depression. Nature, is very hard to be depressed at, its too awe inspiring, mountains, insects, fruits, the form of a woman's body ... these things are nature's blessings.
Its the uglier side that gets to you, but I digress. This is about peaking at the right time.
At (over 50), without all the accolades, no trophies to speak of, no real proven things (the children are small, and just emerging), with some of the wealth being in the category of "a little success is a dangerous thing", ie; you don't try any harder because, enough is there already ...
It's time to peak.
In twenty or thirty years, I see the decline of the body is such that you are really done. So forgetting the previous thirty, and looking to the next thirty ... the slow methodical peaking process has to be model'ed perhaps after the runner-athlete.
Phase 1 - start out slow, and steady with base training. This has been going on, I've stabilized my life to the point where the "base" is not quaking and shaking out from underneath me. Its hard to rock the world-Mazurik. We've been there, done that, what's next, we're ready. This phase of getting mental, muscle and spiritual things aligned in my life to make them strong enough to endure the further stresses involved in peaking require me to:
- stop drinking (and smoking)
- eliminate meat from my diet
- eliminate sugar and white flour from my diet
- move daily
- drop the first 25% of the weight gain, immediately. Move through the next 75% in the coming year, to goal.
Phase 2 - Aerobic, this is the sweating part. "Never let them see you sweat", but you must sweat! The skin is the biggest organ, and it will relieve your liver (as will the things in phase 1) to help it do its job. Sweating will remove toxins so the liver works less hard at that, and can help with the fat conversion as you lose weight.
This is the 1 hour of physical activity to sweat.
Phase 3 - AnAerobic, high intensity interval - weight training. This will help the muscles clean out the gunk, help get more burn and build strength.
From a physical and mental aspect, of peaking at 52 or so, it will be good to get all the "stars aligned", from ego, to self-love, to physical conditioning. Peaking and then maintaining.
What comes after, is apparent, and inevitable ... the decline ... but having lived the life fantastic, and undisciplined, it is time to get the handle on the concept of peaking.
Trying to hold onto the peak condition can lead to injury, burn-out or overtraining. The plan is that the instilled life changes will help, reduce the pain through the aging process and allow for a better interaction with those around, it starts with self-love.
There will be a downhill slide, but getting muscles and body in tune for this ride, and having pride and love of self will assure this ride is the best it can be.
And that I peaked at the right time.